A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
