i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
