If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
