sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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