lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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