ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
