I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
