I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
