Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
