i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
