your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
