I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
