Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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