I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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