The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
