***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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