it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
