accomplished twins. life is a go
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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