is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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