his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
