I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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