the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize