This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize