3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
