he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
