I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize