The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
