I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
