Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize