My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
