So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
