why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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