My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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