Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
