For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize