very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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