Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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