Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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