Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
