All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
