I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
