Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
