if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
