Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
