Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
