i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
