"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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