omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
