first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
