I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
