He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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