I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hippo gnu deer
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
