If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
