That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize