Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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