Don't make out with my wife yet
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
