So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
