Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize