you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
