i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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