the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
