i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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