my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize