haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
