Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
