But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
