first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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