The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i can run in heels then i can drive
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
