I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
