sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
