Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
