so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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