Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
