Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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