I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
