It's like God shit irony all over that family
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am one with the molecules
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
