He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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