Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
