I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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