Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
