Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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