I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
