Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
