Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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