new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
