dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
