I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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