dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
