I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
