i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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