that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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