drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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