apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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