I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
