He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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