Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
