Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
