i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
